The first time I feel how fail am I. I'm such a failure.
Chai Shan Shan is just a failure. Until today I know I'm a failure. Whenever I meet problem the first reaction is cry then action. But since I will take action why should I cry!!! Might as well hit the wall and damage the room.
Cry, a wonderful weapon for female. Frankly speaking, I never take cry as my weapon. I just use it as a way for me to express my mood. No one listen to me. What I get is just a job an 'arahan' a command to do all the thingy which is not my business. But what I can do? Reject? Get scolded..Get complained. I'm strong but weak as well. I can't stand for such scoldings and complaint everytime. I might collapsed as well.
Today, a wonderful holiday to everyone, a helly day for me. I collapsed. I could hardly smile since I woke up early in the morning. I slept at 4am, wake up at 7am. How do I expect myself with a smile. I just a failure in giving a small fake smile the whole day.
Get pissed off from friends calls. Willing to find someone to talk with but unluckily I chose the wrong time. I'm sorry for him. But after I made call just now, FINALLY, I realised that I just a 100% failure. No one I can talk with now. I can't cry. I have to stop my tear falling down. I've to keep myself strong with any obstacles I meet. I won't ask for help. I don't want to be the nuisance for anyone, someone or even everyone. But doesn't mean that you can take the advantages to bully me. Recently me is DEAD!!! I'll make myself another person.
Won't be scary and harmful but anti bully. I have to be strong. I have to show my ability to hit all the enemies down.
I want to be a successful girl after this failure. This time I fell down so seriously. I must wake up myself and be success. Put more effort in again and be a successful girl next time.