Thursday, October 23, 2008

I really need a big big hug from you, ling..

A week with 7 days..
But mine seems like 7 years for this particular week.

I'd met a lot of questions which I can't really explain by words.
I cried a lot, almost every night before I sleep. I try to recall what I'd done, what I'd said. But there is nth to prove me wrong. I just do what I said, say what I did. I never care whether you choose to believe or not because I don't lie at all.
Whatever I did is not accepted but whatever they did, exactly same as mine, you praise them.
I was doing the thing that you would accept but you didn't.
Can you imagine my weeks/month with scoldings and yelling.

Handphone is considered as a usefull tool for connections with people around the world or a good way to communicate with people without looking at him or her. BUT for me its sucks. I called the one I have to call to explain everything clearly I got scolded all the time. When I called the one I wish he can accompany me he started to be frustrated because of my stuff.

I'm sorry. Until now, I really don't know what is happening exactly NOW!! I wish someone can tell me but no one there understand and dare to analyse for me. I know that this case is a sensitive stuff. I knew it but I don't know. (I know this phrase is weird but it's my feeling now.)

This is for you, ling...>>>>>

Ling, I have to say thousand of sorry for what I've did this month. It's all out of my control. Everything happened without my expectation. What I get is scoldings but what I missed is the chance of explanation. I wish to explain all the time when I met it but I was stopped. Maybe you're right. I'm stubborn. But I still have to respect them. Frankly speaking, whenever I called you I expected to be scolded by you. I'm afraid. I think and filtered everything when I talked in case I "put on" the fire. Is tough for you to have such "nee" but I'll try to recover myself. Give me a chance to do it. Give me a shoulder to lean against with. I won't need you to help me to do
everything but what I need is YOUR SHOULDER for me to lean against with.

There are some words that I never dare to tell you face to face or on call. I'm afraid that I can't control my emotion. I hope you don't blame me on what I did this few weeks, month. I'm really sorry and I really look forward for a BIG BIG HUG from you. I admit. I NEED IT!!! To feel care and warm. I admit I NEED THE BIG HUG FROM YOU, LING!!!


Tina said...

Thanks for the helpful info. When I learned about getting a sober coach it changed my life.

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